Ah, another fine morning in the blue--I mean yellow--house. In Italian, detective fiction is referred to as yellow (giallo), and yellow was coincidentally chosen as a disguise for the house so I wouldn't be detected, since this fight will most likely end up in front of a tribunal friendlier to Ogres (go figure) than to Lovely Homeowning Ladies, especially if they are not towing spouse and offspring with them. Can anyone say sexist (which I believe is the same in Italian)? Now that this is a private blog, however, I can say whatever the hell I want, post whatever photos I have, without fear of reprisal: You are now an official member of the Out with the Ogres Campaign.
Now, back to The Flag Incident, which started this whole sorry mess. Let me begin by stating that I have nothing against our country's fine red and white, and have even felt a tinge of nationalistic pride when it is raised over the winners podium at the Olympics, which doesn't happen that often, except for synchronized swimming and male floor routine, which doesn't count. The ogres have an altogether different relationship with the flag, draping the house with it for July 1st, leaving said sheet sized flags up for weeks afterwards, making the house a prime target for disgruntled separatists, who surprisingly are not yet entirely extinct. One might enjoy the irony that the ogres are Quebecois, but do not drape the house in the Fleur de Lys on June 24th (thank the gods for small mercies). Last year, when I was not yet their arch enemy, because I'd only lived here a week, I commented:
Me: You must really like Canada day
Mr.Ogre: Yeah
Me: How come?
Mrs. Ogre: Because he supports his country
And his country, or at least his province, supports him (we'll call this the silver bullet, and save it for a future installment, if and when it is shot).
In our negotiations around lease renewal time, for which they of course gave me grief about their first rent increase in 4 years, I also took the bold step of putting in a new clause limiting the duration of decorations, flags and otherwise.
Who needs a month of tacky Halloween, followed immediately by two months of tackier Christmas (Tim Burton notwithstanding), and a month of flag waving to boot. (My QC cab driver was not amused when I directed him to stop in front of the house with all the flags, and neither was I.)Precisely 2 weeks and 3 days after July 1 this year, the front of the house still looked like the Canada pavilion--come in for maple syrup, beaver pelts and beer!! Just as I was about to call Mrs.Ogre (she is much less offensive than Mr., but that's not saying much) to put forth my request that my house be rid of their nationalistic, stand-on-guard-for-thee glee, I looked out my back window.
To my horror, there stood a flag pole, two storeys high, sporting a gigantic Canadian flag, visible through every window of my house, from every angle--a permanent flag, crowding the tree, bismirching my view, and generally pissing me right the hell off.
I got on the phone and very firmly told Mrs. Ogre that her husband needed to take down the flag in the front, and the new one in the back, because it was filling all my windows and I didn't want to look at it, and if they liked it so much, why not put it right in their window, which made me feel rather Benedict-Arnoldish, but was the truth. I did not want to be reminded of government buildings, school assemblies, soldiers funerals, and synchronized swimming victories whenever I looked out the window, but the Ogres did not give and ogre's toss, which is what ogres are like.
After this our iffy relationship took a turn for the worst, and The Flag Incident, about which more shall be written shortly, triggered The Registered Letter Contest, and The Basement Problem, and The Alarm Fiasco, and the Era of the Silent Treatment Except for the Slamming of Doors, which has engendered the Out with the Ogres Campaign of which I am the chair.
Stayed tuned for Part II of Take Down that F#$%!&g Flag!!, or How Little Brains Shoot Their Own Feet.
3 comments:
I miss that oversized Canadian flag! It shielded us from the sun, remember?
The Ogres are fuel for an entertaining read however I feel your pain. I was a "short term" landlady for awhile..renting out the upstairs of my Jointe to artists/actors (always a great experience) + lawyers + students (a terrible experience). I feel your pain.
Get rid of the bums. I looked at various sites...
http://www.rdl.gouv.qc.ca/en/publications/bruit.asp
You are entitled to "peaceable enjoyment of the premises". The Régie can cancel their lease. (After the Ogres have failed to comply with your actions, writing a letter, etc.) The Régie may then either grant you the cancellation immediately or order the tenants to stop the noise by a set date. Should they persist with the racket, the Régie will then cancel their lease at your request.
This probably sounds a lot easier on paper....
OR get a big honking grant. Write a best seller. Then renovate.
"The landlord may evict the tenant for the purposes of dividing the dwelling, enlarging it, or substantially changing its nature. In this case the landlord must notify the tenant six months before the expiry of the lease that the lease will not be renewed. In the case of a lease with no fixed term, this must be done six months prior to the date of eviction.
The notice of eviction must provide the reason for, and the date of eviction.
The landlord must pay an amount equal to three months' rent as well as reasonable moving expenses to the evicted tenant. The tenant may apply to the court to have it set the amount payable by the landlord."
"Nothing is Permanent but Woe." (In Memory of John St. Louis)
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