I once saw an episode of Oprah where a very smart Mommy had invented a product called Monster Spray, to spritz around the door frame of her little boy's bedroom so that Monsters would be repelled from entering. This Monster Spray was nothing more than a regular spray bottle, with the words Monster Spray written on it, but it did the trick, and the little boy slept peacefully, protected from all the evil that lurked in the dark. Of course, the message here is that most fear is psychological, that Monsters don't exist and can't really harm you. Ogres, on the other hand, are a whole different story.
I had an extended conversation about the Ogres yesterday, with the man I bought the lovely blue house from, who is now (ironically) my next door neighbour. He has promised to be a snoop for me into the yucky lives of the Ogres, to tell me if they are up to something, but not to tell them anything about me.
In yesterday's tete a tete, he gave me a warning. He told me Mr. Ogre was speaking in very angry and violent terms about me, and on the day he receives the letter, I may become victim to Mr. Ogre's uncontrollable rage. "Don't open the door that day if you hear wild pounding." As if... Then I was told of previous acts of uncontrolled rage which included the lobbing of bricks and of men off balconies. Let's not forget the pit-bull owning mouth-breather that lives next door. How does a lovely lady deal with such enemies? I don't think a spray bottle with Ogre written on it is going to help. Suffice it to say, my evening of rest and relaxation was compromised by this new information, which I suspected, of course, but didn't want to believe.
Add to this that the Ogres have my keys. In my first days here, I gave them a set in case I lost mine, something that has only happened maybe once in my life, but of which I am forever paranoid, being locked out of my own home on a cold night one of my greatest fears. So, in fact, other than pounding, angry Ogres-Gone-Wild could let themselves in, storm the castle, kill the Queen.So today I called a locksmith, and my heightened anxiety is making me consider the kind of high end lock that can't be picked, keys can't be duplicated--which is the closest to Monster Spray that I can come up with for the time being. If you have other suggestions, repelants, spells that I might cast, send them along. The count down to sending the notice of expulsion begins--14 days and counting.
The Ogre Shit is about to hit the fan.
